Queen of the Unfinished

A friend of mine has joined the bloggosphere in her quest for healthy living. She asked her friends and family for feedback and encouraged us to share our stories, and it got me thinking. She has always been one to take on a challenge and see it through to the end, even through hardship and frustration and the most unthinkable odds. She finishes. Which is why I know she can accomplish this monumental goal she has set for herself. And it made me wonder if I had the same conviction and determination that she does. Maybe it's the circumstances that enable my defeatist side to win out over my optimism, but after much reflection and self-evaluation, I'm sad to say that I don't.

From the time I was 4 years old until just after freshman year of high school, I played soccer. I loved it and I was good at it. Not great, and god knows it was not natural talent, but I could hold my own. During one game, a girl on the opposing team decided she could try to get the ball from me, missed the ball entirely and got my knee instead. It hurt. I recovered, but my knee still gives out now and then. The next season, when it came time for try-outs, I decided I was done. There was too much drama behind the scenes that took away the fun of the game. Girls would enlist their mothers to hound the coaches if they didn't start every game. If the school issued punishment for whatever reason, it extended to the soccer field as well. You break the rules, you miss a game. The girls would, again, employ their parents to find a way around these rules. It wasn't worth it to me to fight through all the bullshit just to play a game of soccer. So I stopped.

Once senior year rolled around, I went on the traditional college tour circuit. I saw campus after campus, but fell in love with one tiny college in the Berkshires, the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts. I didn't apply to any other college. I didn't apply to any "safety schools" or schools that I would probably not be accepted to, I only applied to one. While I don't regret the choice that I made because that college introduced me to some of the best people I have ever met, gave me an opportunity to flourish on my own, not in my brother's shadow, I do wonder if I could have gotten into any other school. But I never tried. I stopped.

Looking back on this blog, there are at lease seven entries that only have a paragraph written, and I can't for the life of me figure out what point I was trying to make. With titles as vague as "Justification is Your Enemy," and "You're Leaving Me for an Ugly Girl," and even one without any title at all, I solidify my reign as the queen of the unfinished. I have at least four book ideas that I started and never finished. I have twenty different ideas for small businesses and have never followed up. I stopped.

I am just within reach of a job that actually means something to me. I went to school to write, not answer phones. It's right there. I just need one interview. Just one. Just the chance to show them that not only am I a good candidate, but I'm the best candidate. I'm the best person for this job. I want to be in this industry, I want to have a byline, and see my name on a masthead. I want to spend hours figuring out the right spacing for an article and adjust the layout until it's beyond perfect. Here's my opportunity to be as brave and confident as my friend. To take on something that will challenge me and push me to my limits. I just need the chance to show them (and myself) that I can do it.

Spinsterhood of the Traveling Pants

As June is unofficially deemed "Wedding Season," there borage of couples joining in wedded bliss seems overwhelming. Especially for us single folk. Not to take away any joy of those fortunate enough to find their "person," actually I hi-five those who have and will gladly take part in the merriment of their unions. But it does kind of make you look at your own life and think, "Why not me?" And being the over-dramatic darling that I am, I look towards a life of eternal spinsterhood. This, of course, led me to wonder about my fellow maids-without-men, and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised at the plethora of extraordinary women in my company.

Queen Elizabeth I is quite possibly the very first sovereign people mention when listing the most influential rulers in history. She was crowned and assumed the throne at the age of 25, restored England to a thriving, prosperous, and powerful nation but still maintained her personal solitude. Despite her controversial marital status, she enjoyed her life. She made it common knowledge to Parliament and the Privy Council that she would listen to their concerns and heed their advice when it came to the state of England, but she was still going to live her life the way she saw fit.

Jane Austen is as prominent on summer reading lists as Shakespeare and Hemmingway. Although she only published six novels, a significantly parse showing in comparison with authors cited as often, she is still seen as one of the greatest authors of all time. When her niece wrote her for romantic advice, she replied with a simple and concise answer: if she didn't love him, she shouldn't marry him. Jane herself had one person that she truly cared for but due to family obligations and interference, the pair was separated. She accepted the proposal from one man, the son of a family friend but ended the engagement the next day, heeding her own advice. She lived her life, did what she loved, and never looked back.

Other lifelong singles worth mentioning are Emily Bronte, Sappho, Queen Christina of Sweden, Florence Nightingale, Rosa Luxemburg, Joan of Arc, Emily Dickinson, Louisa May Alcott, Helen Keller, Elizabeth Blackwell, Jane Goodaal, Diane Keaton, and Condoleeza Rise (political affiliation aside).

So if it is my destiny to remain the single maid, then I'll continue living my life, doing what I love, and I'll wear the Spinster badge with pride.