To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Ok, so I got the dreaming part down, even if I only sleep two hours out of the night, I still manage to dream and, surprisingly, remember that dream. And golly, are those dreams weird. But what I don't have are normal sleeping habits. I don't think I've actually managed to sleep the full night through (without any type of sleep aid, organic or otherwise) since I was in high school. I usually wake up three to four times a night and unfortunately have a hard time falling back to sleep. Once I wake up, it's not like I'm in a foggy daze, take a stumbling trip to the bathroom, and quickly fall back into dreamland. Once I'm awake, I'm WIDE awake. Usually, I'll kill the time by reading part of whatever Jodi Picoult book I'm into at that time or watching a movie until I drift back into whatever warped scenario my subconscious unconsciousness concocts that night.

Part of my problem is my inexplicable paranoia. I go to bed every night with the notion that someone will try to break into my house, rob me and then kill me. Like a little kid checking for monsters, I double and triple-check the doors and windows to make sure they're locked; I can't sleep if my closet doors are closed because I'm convinced that an insane sex-offender is hiding in there; and if I'm sharing the bed with someone, I have to sleep on the side farthest from the door so if someone does break in, I have the best chance of running away because the killer will go for the easiest kill (ie the person closest to the door). I live in one of the safest neighborhoods in the safest town in the country. The last murder we had was almost nine years ago, and before that, it had been 30 years. The likelihood of someone coming to my town, to my house, just to kill me is laughable at best. But my paranoia is still an active part of my insomnia.

I've tried all the standard sleeplessness remedies: warm milk, no tv, no electronics, no food or exercise after 7pm, special sleepytime teas, a shower/warm bath, creams, lotions, scent sprays, the list goes on. I've tried over-the-counter sleep aids, which of course, make me groggy in the morning, zapping any and all motivation for the following day. Most of the time, I just deal with it. You get used to it. You don't like it, but you get used to it. However, if there's something out there that can "cure" the insomnia that I haven't tried, you better believe I'll try it.

My friend sent me an article explaining that the problem isn't insomnia itself but how we react to insomnia that determines whether we sleep or not. One of the tactics the article said to help alleviate sleeplessness was to "reset" the internal sleep clock. In order to do this, you essentially deprive yourself of sleep intentionally. Stay up an hour later than you normally would, wake up an hour earlier than you usually do, and resist the urge to nap. Do this for two weeks, then slowly, in 15-20 minute increments, reintroduce those removed hours back into your sleep pattern. It's day 2 and I am EXHAUSTED, more so than usual. I feel so out of it, like I'm moving in slow motion and my words get jumbled. Essentially, I feel drunk (tipsy, really) without actually imbibing, I can only imagine what I'll be like on day 14.

So, dear friends, cheers and sweet dreams.