SheSpeaks? More Like SheROARS!!

A few months ago, I joined SheSpeaks.com, a forum-based site geared towards women. I joined mostly for the possibility of free stuff, but the more that I look around, the more I'm surprised with the honesty women share on this site. It's not just about rating and reviewing products, there's a feeling of community and camaraderie, and just genuine support. Most of the time, you're just taking surveys to help the site improve, contributing recipes to existing topics, or maybe offering your experience with a certain company or product. Occasionally, you'll be offered a chance to try a new product and share you like or dislike. A sort of trans-american focus-group, if you will. I was fortunate enough to get a coupon for a free bag of Tostitos' new line of Artisan Tortilla chips. Currently there are two kinds being offered: Roasted Garlic and Black Bean or Fire Roasted Chipotle. Since I was sharing my new freebie with my mom (who doesn't particularly care for anything chipotle), I chose the garlic and black bean chips.

I just have three words: Oh. My. God!! When I first heard about the program and the chips, I was intrigued. I'm always on the lookout for new snacks to try, just to spice up the appetizers at parties, getting away from the standard and expected. I wasn't exactly sure how if I would like them, as I tend to be a little particular when it comes to the flavors of my chips, mostly because I usually want the dip to be the star. But these chips are so flavorful and delicious, they can't help but be the star. I got some basic salsa, mild of course, and it was DELICIOUS!! But I really feel like the chips need a cream-based dip, or no dip at all. They're so flavorful you really could eat them all on their own, straight out of the bag.

They sort of reminded me of the Doritos Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese snack chips, but the Artisan chips have more interesting flavors. We got our bag at Target (we just happened to be there, but I've seen them in grocery stores and convenience stores too), and the listed price was somewhere between $3.49 and $3.99. A little on the high side, but most definitely worth the purchase. And I've seen coupons in the weekly circular for the past two weeks, so there are ways to save a little cash here and there. But, hand to heart, these chips are just the kind of yummy crunchy snack you need to spice up the appetizer spread at your next fiesta. Happy Snacking!

You Got the Job...Now What?

For the past 11 months (and something weeks), I've been struggling. I left a decent job because I wanted something different; I wanted to actually use my degree and step out of the reception shadows and into the sunlit roads of editorial land. To bide my time in between scouring the state (and surrounding areas) for employment, I baked. Muffins, cakes, pies, cookies, you name it, I made it. It was my release from the stress and disheartening reality that despite my delightfully charming demeanor, nobody wanted to hire me. Nobody wanted to hire anybody. Suffice it to say, the recession was kicking my ass. But by the grace of whatever deity you believe in, I now find myself employed, in a bakery of all places. And while normal people would be uncontrollably releasing bodily fluids during fits of pure excitement, I'm downing Pepto Bismal to stave off the nausea.

I spent four years working towards a degree in English so I could work in the editorial world. After graduation (and months of menial office work), I finally landed my first REAL job writing greeting cards for an brand new company. It took me just over six months to realize I did not belong stuck in the middle of the greeting card stacks. Too much rhyme and bland rhythm for me, but I still appreciate the value of their existence in my life (most of my friends receive cards on a semi-regular basis). I moved on to the nearest job available: enter the restaurant industry. This was quickly followed by another few months of menial office and reception work. Nothing too exciting, but I did manage to make a few new friends along the way. All the while, I kept sending out resumes, hoping for the leap into editorial to appear. But in the back of my head, I kept thinking about baking and the joy of pastry arts. I'd joke about opening my own bakery, what I would name it, what I would serve, how it would be decorated. I'd toy with the idea of going to pastry school, spending a semester abroad studying chocolate from the best in the world (Vive la France!). But something would come along and derail these musings, reality would come back into the mix, and the bakery slid back into the mist.

These past 11 months (and something weeks), I've wondered if my inability to procure gainful employment in the editorial world was not a testament to the continuing failure of the economy but a sign from the universe, urging me to actually pursue that lark of a dream resting in the pastry business. Through the magic of connections (because let's face it, it's all who you know), I walked into a local bakery a hopeful young woman, and came out an employee who starts her first day on Thursday. But what if I don't like it? What if this lingering dream I have of working in the baking and pastry arts field turns out to be a nightmare? Then what? The people I met with today, the owner and my manager, were nothing short of wonderful. Tough, hearty folk who appreciate a hard day's work, but still amiable and friendly. But what if this doesn't work out? There is more on the line than just employment this time.

Until those questions are answered, I take deep breaths, and hope for the best. Keep those fingers crossed people. We're nowhere near done.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Ok, so I got the dreaming part down, even if I only sleep two hours out of the night, I still manage to dream and, surprisingly, remember that dream. And golly, are those dreams weird. But what I don't have are normal sleeping habits. I don't think I've actually managed to sleep the full night through (without any type of sleep aid, organic or otherwise) since I was in high school. I usually wake up three to four times a night and unfortunately have a hard time falling back to sleep. Once I wake up, it's not like I'm in a foggy daze, take a stumbling trip to the bathroom, and quickly fall back into dreamland. Once I'm awake, I'm WIDE awake. Usually, I'll kill the time by reading part of whatever Jodi Picoult book I'm into at that time or watching a movie until I drift back into whatever warped scenario my subconscious unconsciousness concocts that night.

Part of my problem is my inexplicable paranoia. I go to bed every night with the notion that someone will try to break into my house, rob me and then kill me. Like a little kid checking for monsters, I double and triple-check the doors and windows to make sure they're locked; I can't sleep if my closet doors are closed because I'm convinced that an insane sex-offender is hiding in there; and if I'm sharing the bed with someone, I have to sleep on the side farthest from the door so if someone does break in, I have the best chance of running away because the killer will go for the easiest kill (ie the person closest to the door). I live in one of the safest neighborhoods in the safest town in the country. The last murder we had was almost nine years ago, and before that, it had been 30 years. The likelihood of someone coming to my town, to my house, just to kill me is laughable at best. But my paranoia is still an active part of my insomnia.

I've tried all the standard sleeplessness remedies: warm milk, no tv, no electronics, no food or exercise after 7pm, special sleepytime teas, a shower/warm bath, creams, lotions, scent sprays, the list goes on. I've tried over-the-counter sleep aids, which of course, make me groggy in the morning, zapping any and all motivation for the following day. Most of the time, I just deal with it. You get used to it. You don't like it, but you get used to it. However, if there's something out there that can "cure" the insomnia that I haven't tried, you better believe I'll try it.

My friend sent me an article explaining that the problem isn't insomnia itself but how we react to insomnia that determines whether we sleep or not. One of the tactics the article said to help alleviate sleeplessness was to "reset" the internal sleep clock. In order to do this, you essentially deprive yourself of sleep intentionally. Stay up an hour later than you normally would, wake up an hour earlier than you usually do, and resist the urge to nap. Do this for two weeks, then slowly, in 15-20 minute increments, reintroduce those removed hours back into your sleep pattern. It's day 2 and I am EXHAUSTED, more so than usual. I feel so out of it, like I'm moving in slow motion and my words get jumbled. Essentially, I feel drunk (tipsy, really) without actually imbibing, I can only imagine what I'll be like on day 14.

So, dear friends, cheers and sweet dreams.

I Have an Opinion, I Think

One of the promises I made to myself was to write more this year. I have journals that I keep for myself, a way to express whatever personal dilemma or quandary I find myself in. But then I also have this blog, which I'm terrible at updating, so I resolved to change that. The problem is that when I finally sit down at the end of the day and feel like I should write something, I can't think of anything to write.

One of the worst problems any writer can have is too much freedom. When you're in school and you're given a writing assignment, there's usually parameters. Write five pages on the demise of Hitler's Germany and the Nazi party. Compose 2000 words relating contemporary icons to the characters in Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales." Rarely do you have the opportunity to simply write whatever you want in whatever form you want for whatever length you want. And that's the most daunting task, like staring at the base of Everest knowing how far you have to climb till you reach the summit. And once you reach the actual summit, after that feeling of accomplishment has faded, you remember that you have to make it back down too. Similarly, once you figure out what you're going to write about, you then actually have to write it.

I could document my baking and culinary trials, as that seems to be quite the fad these days. Or I could chronicle my days as one of the ten-percenters, just trying to make it to the next billing cycle without incurring late fees. Or I could simply compile the trials and tribulations of island-dating, where everyone knows everyone and you can't make it through the grocery store without running into someone who you used to date (or someone who knows someone you used to date). But why would my scrawls be more interesting than someone who can actually offer advice and practical tips? I'm not a professional baker (yet) with years of experience, and a day in the life of the unemployed is really just not all that interesting. So, what now? What do I write about? Honestly, I just don't know. And maybe that's the problem with the decisions I'm trying to make about my future: I just don't know what I want to do or what I want to be. I'm five years old again, with no idea of what I want to be when I grow up.