Oh, Hey There!

Why, yes, it has been a while.  I took the month of December off, not intentionally, but still, it was a nice break.  So here's an update on what you've missed from your darling little ol' Eugene:

The holidays went by way too fast and I feel like I barely saw the smatterings of family members who were able to venture back to our beloved Ocean State.  I did manage to find the time to make yet another successful Plum Pudding (a rather disgusting but still entertaining holiday tradition, and perhaps an upcoming addition to the Tasty Tuesday section?).

There are a few reviews we have in the works (bath and beauty products, mostly) and we're also in the process of convincing a couple guest bloggers to share their wisdom and hilarity.  I'm hoping to bring in a crafting expert (you guys would not believe what this girl comes up with, it's unreal), and a social commentator with the wit and humor rivaling the geniuses you see on the celebrity roasts.

My grad school application is coming along nicely, thank you very much.  The personal essay is kind of kicking my butt.  It's hard to condense something into 300 words when there's no limits or specifications, and you just have free range to write whatever your little heart desires.  I have everything else lined up, though, so at least I'm making progress.  My GRE scores have been sent, I've ordered my transcripts, I have my letters of recommendation organized, and the rest of the application is entirely filled out.  It's just a matter of putting the finishing touches on that essay and then, ya know, actually sending the application in.  Fingers crossed by this time next year, I will be a graduate student.



The Patriots are doing ok; not great, but ok.  Really wish their first halves were played a lot better.  My nerves can't take much more of this second half comeback thing.  But they're still winning, so I guess there's not much to complain about.

We got the chance to video chat with my brother on Christmas and it was really good to see him.  Picture, if you will, a Macbook being carried around a house so that each member of the 20-person strong family could say hi.  He looks good, excited about his upcoming trip, and God knows we're excited for him.  Only my brother would travel the Trans-Siberian railroad backwards, starting in China and heading towards Russia...in the winter.  But he's supposed to get a really good view of the Northern Lights, so that should be exciting.  Can't wait to see pictures of that!

My personal life is a lot happier, so that's a nice change.  We all know I usually do not go into much detail on that part of my life, so let's just leave it by saying Eugene is very happy with what the universe has brought her way (you know it's good when the third person narrative is used).

And that, kids, is where we're going to end things today.  I promise to post the Plum Pudding recipe next week (complete with pictures because I know you love the visuals).

Stay tuned!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Did you actually make New Year's Resolutions this year or did you just continue with your life as usual because everyone knows if you make a resolution, it only lasts about a week?

Tasty Tuesday: Turkey Artichoke Stuffed Shells

Have you had your fill of Thanksgiving leftovers?  Neither have we!  While the turkey sandwich and turkey soup has been done to death, we were pleasantly surprised when our buddy Kate S. for sending us this creative solution to leftovers.  If you've recently made the Spinach and Artichoke dip, you might already have some artichokes on hand.  If you had a few dozen people at your holiday table, like we did, then chances are you have some turkey on hand as well.  If you're tired of it taking up room in your fridge, your problem is solved.

And with that, we present to you:

Turkey Artichoke Stuffed Shells

1 (12oz) box jumbo pasta shells
3 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 large yellow onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 lb broken up turkey sausage (about 5 links)**
1/2 tsp kosher salt, plus 1/2 tsp
1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper, plus 1/4 tsp
1 tsp red pepper flakes
8-10 oz chopped artichokes
1 – 2 (15oz) container(s) ricotta cheese
3/4 cup grated Parmesan
2 eggs, lightly beaten
1/4 cup (heaping) chopped fresh basil leaves
3 tbsp chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
1 1/2 cups shredded or grated mozzarella

1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil over high heat. Add the pasta and partially cook until tender but still very firm to the bite, about 4 to 5 minutes. Drain.
2. In a large skillet, heat the olive oil over medium-high heat. Add the onions and the garlic and cook until the onions are soft and starting to brown, about 3 minutes. Add the turkey, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon black pepper and peperoncino and continue to cook, stirring occasionally, until the meat is slightly golden and cooked through (if you're using leftover Thanksgiving turkey that's already cooked, you just want to warm it up a bit and soften it just a little more but be careful, you don't want to dry it out).
 3. Add the artichoke hearts and stir to combine. Remove from heat and let cool. In a large bowl combine the cooled turkey mixture with one 15 oz container ricotta cheese, Parmesan cheese, eggs, basil, parsley, and the remaining salt and pepper. Stir to combine.
4. Cover the bottom of a large baking dish with 1 cup of sauce. Take a shell in the palm of your hand and stuff it with a large spoonful of turkey and cheese mixture, about 2 tablespoons. Place the stuffed shell in the baking dish. Continue filling the shells until the baking dish is full. Drizzle Sauce over the shells (Kate said she used a cream sauce), top with the mozzarella.
5. To bake, preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Bake until the shells are warmed through and the cheese is beginning to brown and the sauce is bubbling away, about 20 minutes (60 minutes if shells are frozen.)


**If you're looking to use up leftover turkey from Thanksgiving, just grate or chop up the already carved pieces until you have roughly a pound.** 


Serve and Enjoy!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: What's your favorite leftover Thanksgiving recipe?

Words and Things and Stuff

We're taking a brief break from the foodie fun to talk about something a little more nostalgic.  This past year was completely taken over by weddings and the preparations leading up to them.  Four amazing couples had asked me to be a part of their special days, some as active participants, some as merely a guest of the merriment.  All I can say is that I am truly honored to have been considered and I want to thank those people for letting me be there to take part in a very special moment in their lives.

 Photo courtesy of Caitlin H.                        Photo courtesy of Mary M.

Photo by Leah LaRicci Photography                                   Photo courtesy of Kim J.

Looking back, I was amazed that each of the four weddings was so completely different but so inherently reflective of the couples themselves.  Whether it was through color choices, location, decoration, or overall theme, the fact that the occasions seemed to represent who these people were as couples just made them that much more special and not anything I will ever forget.

Photo courtesy of Mellissa C.

Mellissa and Chris had vibrant colors and let their personalities (and those of their friends) shine throughout the whole process, for which, I can say, we are very grateful.  As a bridesmaid, we were given free range over what style of dress we felt most comfortable in.  The only requirement was the color and fabric of the dress (an electric pink, reflecting Mellissa's undeniably bold personality).  While many brides would go for soft and ethereal, Mellissa charges headfirst into color and whimsy.  She wanted her wedding to make an impact, and once you saw the shoes we all wore, there's no denying she did just that.  The pictures were fun and lighthearted with a little bit of impropriety thrown in, because it wouldn't be Mellissa and Chris if it wasn't just a little bit cheeky.  The venue was the gorgeous Glen Manor in Portsmouth, RI, a dream location for any couple looking to pair romance and ambiance with fun and frivolity.  We danced, we drank, we ate DELICIOUS food (hello pasta station!!), and celebrated an amazing couple and their adorable family.

Photo Courtesy of Devon H.

Courtney and Matt had one very clear direction: Family.  They wanted everyone involved, not just to alleviate the pressure of having to do it all themselves, but because they wanted people to feel like it was their day, too.  While Courtney and Matt were busy studying for their bar exams, which they took two days before the wedding (they passed, in case you were wondering), their families was busy securing the church and the priests (his family is very good friends with the priest of their church), double and triple checking things with the caterers, the DJ, the bartenders, and of course, the tent.   Family members took the photos that served as the backdrops for the invitations and response cards, brothers and sisters stood as members of the wedding party, family was the theme of the day.  Shortly after they announced their engagement, Courtney and Matt had asked if I would make the cake.  At first, I was elated, but as the day drew closer, that excitement turned to fear and then to panic and finally to nausea.  Anticipation surged through my veins as I walked the cake from the car to the display table, but seeing the looks on Matt and Courtney's faces when they saw it made everything else seem unimportant.  While the ceremony was traditional and romantic (a clear depiction of Matt), the reception was an ebullient display of childhood fun (an exact illustration of Courtney), so the day was exactly and perfectly Matt and Courtney.  

Photo by Leah LaRicci Photography

Kate and Tom wanted fun and colorful memories, and surprises where you least expect them.  Instead of a traditional guest book, they had a scrapbook (made by a dear friend who loves them so very much...cough cough...Eugene...cough cough) and asked people to answer questions about the couple like "If a movie were made about Kate and Tom, what would it be titled?" or "What's the best advice for a happy marriage?" and "Where do you see Tom and Kate in 5 years?"  Most of the wedding details were homemade, which makes for wonderful keepsakes.  The centerpieces were made entirely by the bride herself.  The bouquets and boutonnieres were handmade felt flowers, assembled by the bridal party before the ceremony in a moment we referred to as 'forced arts and crafts.'  But while the real flowers in other bouquets will only last so long, the felt flowers in my bouquet from this wedding are still nestled together in a vase on my desk, as vibrant and impressive as they were on the wedding day.  Kate and Tom had a friend officiate the ceremony, giving it a little more of a personal touch.  Rather than simply exchanging vows (which they wrote themselves), they also chose to do a Letter-Writing ceremony, where they wrote love letters to each other and (without peeking at what the other wrote) sealed them in a box with a bottle of wine and two goblets.  They will open the box on their fifth wedding anniversary, read the letters, enjoy the wine, and remember the day the committed themselves to each other.

Photo Courtesy of Kim S.J.

Mary and Andy are anything but a normal couple.  There is something about them that makes them unquestionably perfect for each other.  Her quick wit and somewhat offbeat sense of humor is only rivaled by his penchant for off-color comments and ability to find a double-entendre in even the most innocent of scenarios.  So it seems only fitting that entertainment would find its way into their wedding theme.  The colors were not something anyone really ever sees in a November wedding.  You expect to see deep ambers and subdued greens.  Not at Mary's wedding.  Her bridesmaids wore gorgeous rich yellow dresses, adding a much needed burst of light to the somber greys creeping into our everyday lives.  The tables weren't numbered, they were titled.  Instead of sitting at table 8 or 10, you could sit at Mean Girls or Wayne's World.  The bridal party were introduced with individual entrance themes, more familiar to those who follow the world of wrestling, while a title belt circulated the room for those lucky enough to get a hold of it.  Ever the class clowns, Mary and Andy had a photo booth set up, complete with props of fake mustaches, glasses, hats, and feather boas, and asked that you keep a copy of the photos for yourself, but also place a copy in a scrapbook with whatever congratulations, well-wish, or (in traditional Mary and Andy fashion) inappropriate comment you'd like to make.

While each event was as different as can be, they were all fun representations of the couples themselves.  There are four days this year that I will never forget and more memories than I could ever hope for.  So this Diary entry is dedicated to you, my darling friends, who gave me the great honor of being a part of your fantastically amazing and wonderfully special days.

I love you all.

Sincerely,

Eugene

Tasty Tuesday: Mediterranean Skillet Cod

As we journey further into the autumnal season and the temperatures dip, if only slightly, the temptation to indulge in foods battered, fried, and dripping with calories only increases.  Thankfully, there are a plethora of options available that satisfy every craving and keep the bathroom scale tipping in the right direction.  One such option is the South Beach Diet (and its subsequent improvements: South Beach Super Charged and the NEW South Beach Diet).

Even if you don't follow the dietary schedule to the letter, you can still find healthy, low-calorie recipes.  One of my family's favorites is the Mediterranean Skillet Cod.  It's easy, it's delicious, and there's only 216 calories per serving.  One of my biggest problems with low-calorie meals is that they typically don't feel me up and keep me full throughout the day (or night).  But I can say, without hesitation, this meal satisfies and keeps you full.  Granted, if you don't like fish, this may not be the choice for you, but oh good golly, those flavors are amazing.

All Photos in this entry taken by Diaries of Eugene

And if that isn't enough to sell you on it, it's quick, it's easy, and it's relatively inexpensive (all things considered).  The recipe is broken up, conveniently, into 10 minute increments, with minimal prep time needed in advance.

Mediterranean Skillet Cod

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

1 medium zucchini, cut into 1/4 inch thick slices

1 small onion, thinly sliced*

3 cloves garlic, minced

Freshly ground pepper

1 (14.5 oz) can diced tomatoes, drained

2 pequillo peppers (from a jar), thinly sliced**

4 (6 oz) cod fillets

2 tablespoons chopped parsley

1. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium heat.  Add zucchini, onion, garlic, and pepper.  Cook, stirring occasionally, for 10 minutes.

2. Stir in tomatoes and peppers, simmer over medium heat for 10 minutes longer.

 

3. Nestle fish fillets into the sauce, spooning some of the mixture over the top of the fillets.

4. Cover the pan and continue to simmer until fish is opaque and cooked through, about 10 minutes.

5. Sprinkle with parsley and serve warm in shallow bowls and spoon generous amounts of the sauce over the fish and vegetables.  

For an added kick of yumminess, you can use some of that leftover asiago cheese you have lying around from the Spinach and Artichoke dip and sprinkle no more than a tablespoon on top of your fish.  That's only an additional 20 calories (10 from fat). 

*If you're like me and you're not a big onion person, you can use half of an onion and chop it really fine.  We just want to incorporate the flavor of the onion to enhance the overall taste.  

**If you don't have or can't find pequillo peppers, you can use roasted peppers.  I enjoy the flavors of oven-roasted red peppers, so that's what I used in this recipe.  No worries, it's South Beach approved.

Nutritional Information (per serving)

216 Calories

5 grams fat

1 gram saturated fat

32 grams protein

8 grams carbohydrate

2 grams fiber

489 mg sodium

Tasty Tuesday: Black Bean Burger

With the close of October and the end of our pumpkin journey, the Diaries of Eugene is on the hunt for something new.  As the weather turns a little chillier (at least here in New England), it's not uncommon to turn towards heartier 'comfort' foods.  This, of course, packs on a few extra pounds which, yes, does make the winters a little more bearable (yay for hibernation weight) but does little for one's self-image or confidence.  With that in mind, the Diaries of Eugene is proud to present the beginning of Tasty Tuesday's No-Fat November.  All of our recipes will be low on the calorie scale but definitely high ranking on the tastebuds.

Original Photo Found here

One of my biggest comfort foods has always been, and will always be, burgers and fries.  There's just no two ways around it.  Carbs: yum.  Fried foods: yum.  Charred animal flesh: (sorry veggie friends) yum.  Thankfully, there are geniuses out there who found a simple way around the calorie-fest that is the burger/fries combo, and they created the Black Bean Burger.  All the yummy juicy flavors of beef burgers with a fraction of the calories (and yay for bringing comfort foods to vegetarian-level).  One Black Bean Burger is only 198 calories.

Photo by: graceismine

Black Bean Burger
Original recipe found here
1 (16oz) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1/2 green bell pepper, cut into 2 inch pieces
1/2 onion, cut into wedges
3 cloves garlic, peeled
1 egg
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp cumin
1 tsp Thai chili sauce (or other hot sauce)
1/2 cup bread crumbs

1. If grilling, preheat outdoor grill for high heat, and lightly oil a sheet of aluminum foil.  If baking, preheat oven to 375F and lightly oil a baking sheet.
2. In a medium bowl, mash the black beans with a fork until thick and pasty.
3. In a food processor, finely chop pepper, onion, and garlic.  Then stir in the mashed beans.  if you don't have a food processor, just chop the pepper, onion, and garlic cloves as fine as you can.  You're incorporating them into your burger, and if you have tactile sensory issues like I do, you really don't want crazy chunks of garlic throwing off the flavor and consistency of your burger.
4. In a small bowl, stir together the egg, chili powder, cumin, and hot sauce.  Stir the egg mixture into the mashed beans.  Mix in the bread crumbs until the mixture is sticky and holds together.  Divide the mixture into four patties.
5. If grilling, place patties on foil and grill about 8 minutes on each side.  If baking, place patties on baking sheet and bake about 10 minutes each side.

To cut down on the carb intake, just eat the burger on its own with a small dollop (1-2 tbsp) of your favorite topping.  If you simply MUST have a bun, go for whole wheat.  Your insides will thank you, I promise.

Original photo found here

If the burger itself doesn't satisfy your need for something classic and filling, and you still want those fries on the side, fear not.  Sweet potato fries can be your best friend.  In terms of calories, the average serving of french fries, prepared the classic way, deep fried in oil and loaded with salt, contains 271 calories.  While the same serving size of sweet potato fries baked (instead of fried) is only 140 calories.  The caloric difference is almost another serving of sweet potato fries!

Happy November 1st!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: What's your go-to comfort food?  Have you found a healthier variation that still satisfies the cravings for fried/fatty goodness?

Tasty Tuesday: Pumpkin Soup

It's October.  You can't exist in October without eating something pumpkin.  Thankfully, my mother feels the exact same way, and found this absolutely scrumptious recipe for Creamy Pumpkin Soup.  With the birth of places like cook.com and allrecipes.com, you are never without options.

One of the really great things about soups is that you can cook them in large batches and freeze what you're not ready to serve in the next couple of days.  So when you're not really sure what you want to eat on a cold wintery night, remember you made all that soup back in October.  Problem solved.  Yumminess achieved.

CREAM OF PUMPKIN SOUP (this recipe can be found here)
3 tbsp margarine, softened
1 tbsp brown sugar
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
4 slices whole wheat bread
1 cup chopped onion
2 tbsp butter, melted
2 (14.4 oz) cans chicken broth
1 (15 oz can) pumpkin puree*
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1/8 tsp ground ginger
1/8 tsp ground black pepper
1 cup heavy cream

1. Preheat oven to 400F.  Combine butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon. Spread butter mixture over one side of each bread slice.  Place bread, buttered side up, on a baking sheet.  Bake 8-10 minutes or until bread is crisp and the top is bubbly.  Cut each slice of bread into 8 small triangles or squares.
2. Sautee onion in butter in a medium saucepan until tender.  Add 1 can chicken broth, stir well.  Bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat, and simmer 15 minutes.
3. Transfer broth mixture into the container of a blender or processor (if you have an immersion blender, even better).
4. Return mixture to saucepan.  Add remaining can of broth, pumpkin, salt, cinnmon, ginger, and pepper. Stir well. Bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat, simmer 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
5. Stir in cream and heat through, DO NOT BOIL.  Pour into individual bowls, top each bowl with the Cinnamon Croutons.

Photo uploaded to allrecipes.com by KitchenWitch

**If you're feel adventurous and actually want to make authentic pumpkin soup, why not cook your own pumpkin.  Fair warning, just be careful with the pan you cook it in.  I made real pumpkin muffins once, and I chose to roast the pumpkin.  I used a glass casserole dish, putting a little water in the bottom, as the recipe directed.  When I took the pan out, the water shifted and my pan essentially exploded all over the kitchen.  I thought I had found and removed all the glass shards.  Nope.  One ended up in a muffin.  Luckily, no one was hurt, but it still scared the bajeezums out of me.**

Tasty Tuesday: Cheesy Buffalo Chicken Dip

With the MLB season winding down, NFL season gearing up, there are tailgate and big-screen parties abound.  And in the spirit of contribution and sportsmindedness, the Diaries of Eugene is pleased to bring you a fantastically delicious take on a game-night classic.

Photo found on http://en.petitchef.com/

You can't really have a Monday Night Football fiesta without buffalo wings.  It's just wrong.  But there really are only so many ways you can cook a piece of charred bird meat in hot sauce before it becomes redundant and expected.  Thankfully, one of my mother's friends was kind enough to share this delightful variation.  You have all the wonderful spicy flavors of the buffalo sauce with the creamy cooling power of the bleu cheese dressing (or ranch, depending on your preference), paired with the soft tang of cream cheese, and finally, topped with that ooey-gooey cheese that makes any dip a success.

New England Patriots v. Dallas Cowboys

photo found http://www.collinstours.ca

One of the reasons I'm so excited to share this recipe is because it was shared with me.  The whole point of this blog, and of DOE (Diaries of Eugene) in general was to encourage a sense of community.  "Hey, I liked this, and rather than keep it to myself to enable a sense of ownership and an air of superiority, I'm going to share it with you because I think you'll like it too."

And with that, I give you our latest Tasty Tuesday: Cheesy Buffalo Chicken Dip.

1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breast
8 oz pkg cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup ranch or bleu cheese dressing
1/2 cup hot sauce or buffalo wing sauce (recommendation: combine 1/4 cup mild and 1/4 cup hot)
8 oz shredded cheddar cheese

1. Boil chicken in water, then simmer or grill until cooked through.  Allow to cool completely.
2. Preheat oven to 350F.  Spread cream cheese evenly over the bottom of a 9x9" baking dish.  Spread dressing evenly over cream cheese, then set dish aside.
3. Shred chicken (I just use a standard cheese grater) and mix with hot sauce, then spread evenly over dressing in dish.
4. Sprinkle cheese evenly over the chicken.  Cover with foil and bake for 30 minutes.  Serve immediately.  This recipe came with the recommendation of using Tostitos Scoops for the choice of chip, to ensure maximum dippage, but the chip is really up to you.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: What's your favorite tailgate/sports party snack?

Now What?

Thanks to the growing popularity of Tasty Tuesday (yay! so glad you guys like it!), a serious question has been brought to my attention: what the heck do you do with the leftover ingredients?  The most prominent example is the (exaggeration alert) ten thousand pounds of random yet delicious cheeses used in the Spinach and Artichoke dip.  Since the grocery stores have yet to figure out a way to package and sell smaller quantities of asiago and romano cheese, here are a couple options that might solve your leftover problems (and free up space in your refrigerator for next week's Tasty Tuesday creation).

Above Photo Courtesy of http://mydatinghangovers.com

Leftover Cheese:
Add it in an omelet.  I can speak from personal experience that adding a little asiago cheese to an omelet is one of the best things that has ever happened to me on a Saturday morning.

Make some delicious 'artisan' bread.  Try this recipe for Sun Dried Tomato and Asiago Cheese bread from allrecipes.com:  http://allrecipes.com/recipe/asiago-toasted-cheese-puffs/detail.aspx

Add it to your favorite pasta.  Why is everything always topped with parmesan cheese?  Why not switch it up and mix the parmesan with some asiago and sprinkle that over the carb-riddled delicacy of your choice.  Or you could take it one step further and actually put it in the pasta.  Add a couple handfulls to the ricotta in your lasagna or in a homemade vegetable ravioli.

Make a homemade Fancy Shmancy Mac 'n Cheese.  Melt the cheese with some cream, pour over cooked macaroni.  Spoon into casserole dish, sprinkle bread toppings over it.  Bake for 10-15 minutes at 325-350F.  For an added bonus, you can use the bread you removed from the boule as the topping.  Toast the chunks of bread, then put them through a food processor until you have coarse crumbs no larger than a grain of rice, sprinkle over the top of your macaroni, et voila!

Make a quesadilla.  Two tortillas with some cheese.  Done.  For added flavor, I like spread barbeque sauce on one tortilla.  Sooooo good.

Leftover Spinach Dip
There shouldn't be any.

Leftover Veggies
You've made a veggie tray because you found an awesome dip recipe (ahem: upcoming Tasty Tuesday post? Perhaps) and now you've got four pounds of fresh cut veggies to use up.  Make a stir fry.  Toss the veggies in a skillet with some olive oil and soy sauce, toss in some sesame seeds (and the meat of your choice, if desired).  Let it sautee for a while and boom.  Instant yumminess.

Make a salsa.  Dice up some peppers, throw in a couple tomatoes, add a dash of vinegar and some onions.  Boil so everything simmers and melds together.  Trust me, it's easy and yummy.  You can even get some cheap mason jars at your local hardware store and bottle it up for easy storage.

Healthy snack.  Separate the mixed veggies into smaller portion sizes and bag them up.  You have snacks to last you for a while, so when you're feeling like you want something crunchy, you reach for your pre-packaged veggies rather than the chips.

Leftover Creams
A common problem for me but easily remedied.  Make your own whipped cream.  Add some vanilla (or the flavoring of your choice) and some sugar.  Using your electric mixer on high speed, whip the cream until soft peaks form.  Nothing says light and satisfying dessert like fresh berries and homemade whipped cream.   **Soft peaks means when you turn the mixer off and raise the beaters out of the cream, the cream will follow upwards and maintain it's shape.**

Above photo courtesy of www.about.com (direct link here)

Add the cream to tomato soup and it instantly becomes a bisque.  It makes it creamier and, quite frankly, just plan yummier.  You can use the cream as a base to tons of soup recipes.  

Make your own butter.  No, I'm not kidding and yes it's incredibly easy.  Put two cups of heavy cream and 1/4 tsp of salt (optional, it adds flavor but it's not vital) into a blender or food processor.  Let the cream "churn" for 10 minutes or until it starts to separate.  Pour out the liquid, then press the butter into a container with the back of a spoon to push out even more liquid.  If you're feeling fancy, you can add a little bit of honey before you pack it into the container.  Stir well, then pack as normal.  You've just made honeybutter, which tastes great on an english muffin or a biscuit.

The options for leftovers are endless.  It's just about using your imagination.  If a recipe you try doesn't come out well, don't just shove it off and never try it again.  Think about what you didn't like and what you could change to make it more to your tastes.  That's the fun part of cooking: everything is an experiment.  

Question of the Day:  What's your favorite leftover recipe?

Remembering Means Honoring

I typically don't post things like this, but there's just been so much negativity, I can't really keep my mouth shut.

This day, ten years ago, was a very big deal.  There's no sense in ignoring it.  Whining and quibbling about the abundance of coverage marking the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks is more than just a little rude.  Regardless of how you feel about the country's handling of the aftermath, thousands of people died that day.  When you make comments degrading the coverage or blatantly state you're ignoring the day's meaning, you're basically throwing a giant pile of garbage on the memories of those people.  If you're so gung-ho about not participating in any activity to memorialize the 10th anniversary of September 11th, then just go about your business as normal.  There's no need to make any remarks or derragatory comments.  Let those who choose to participate honor the fallen in their own way.  Yes, some will take it to the extreme but so what?  How does that impact you?  Does it impede your life so much that you have to make it your facebook status?  I'm guessing no.

I'm not exactly the hugest supporter of war or any of former President Bush's tactics (weapons of mass destruction, anyone?), but I do support those men and women who choose to serve their country and fight.  Plenty of my friends are members of various military branches and I support the efforts they make to maintain my rights and my freedoms.  I support the fact that they willingly put their lives on the line to make sure the world knows America is a force to be reckoned with.

Those who choose to honor the memories of the soldiers, firemen, police officers, and every day men and women who lost their lives because of what happened that day, let them.  Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, what happened 10 years ago changed our country forever.

Tasty Tuesday: The Best Cheesecake You'll Ever Eat

Despite my love of making them, I've never really been a big fan of cake.  While I enjoy the creativity involved of making and enhancing flavors beyond basic chocolate and rudimentary vanilla, the fun stops there.  Cheesecake, however, has always been the dessert that I go to when my tastebuds need some happiness.  The variations are endless (Turtle cheesecake is a delight, as long as you don't have any sort of nut allergy).  There's one restaurant in town that serves a Vanilla Bean cheesecake that, no matter how full I am, it always makes its way into my meal choice.  But even that one, on its best day, pales in comparison to the cheesecake my mother makes.

One day I asked my mother where she got the amazing recipe and she said it was a wedding present.  Before she and my father got married, someone gave her the Moosewood Cookbook.  I'm sure 30+ years ago, it was in much better shape, but even without the cover or binding, even with the butter and oil stains, the dried dough particles marring random pages and forming a primitive adhesive, that book is her go-to bible for all things culinary.

And with that, I share THE Best Cheesecake You'll Ever Eat:

Crust

Crumbs from 16 graham crackers

1/2 stick butter

1 tbsp honey

1 tbsp flour

Filling

16 oz cream cheese

1/3 cup sugar

4 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

1 lemon (juice and grated rind)

Topping:

1 pint sour cream

1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1. Preheat oven to 375F.  Mush up graham cracker crumbs, butter, honey, and flour with fingers and press firmly into bottom of spring form pan.

2. Blend the cream cheese, 1/3 cup sugar, eggs, 1 tsp vanilla, and lemon until smooth and creamy.  Pour on top of crust and bake for 25 minutes.  Allow to cool completely.

3. Blend sour cream, 1/2 cup sugar, and 1 tsp vanilla.  Pour on top of cooled filling and bake for 5-8 minutes.

4. Cheesecake must set in refrigerator for AT LEAST 12 hours before it will be firm enough to slice well.  If you get impatient and cut before it is completely set, the top will be runny.

**Disclaimer: neither Eugene nor her mother came up with this recipe.  It came direct from the Moosewood Cookbook, available for sale here and other retailers.**

Blasts from the Past

Found one of my first blogs and came across these magnificent paragons (hello GRE flash cards):

Keep in mind these were from three years ago when I was working in a restaurant.

Love and such,

Eugene

Detox or Faux-tox?

There's been so much talk about "detox diets" that one can't help but be slightly curious.  Beyonce Knowles lost 20 pounds on the Master Cleanse detox diet for her role in "Dreamgirls," the sisters Duff (Hilary and Hailey) swear by it.  But the idea of willingly ingesting nothing but lemon juice and water flavored with cayenne pepper for a week just doesn't seem that appealing...or healthy.  People talk about the incredible results you get from this wonder diet.  Well, you're starving yourself for a week, if not longer, so I would be floored if you didn't lose any weight at all.  What they don't talk about is how this is NOT, I repeat NOT, a diet.  It is a detox.  So when you come off the detox and start eating food again, you gain at least half of the weight back.  And if you're a binge-eating defeatist, chances are you'll gain all of it back and be right back where you started from.

Having vented to my mother about my dissatisfaction with my weight and appearance, and then, mistakingly, bringing up the aforementioned detox wonder diet, she hopped into fretting mother mode and made me swear never to try it because it was ridiculously unhealthy.  I had to laugh and walk away because, as I'm sure you are already aware, you can't really talk with moms when they're in "the zone."  A few minutes later she apologized for getting so "uppity" as she called it, and then told me about this new juice detox diet.  It's the same basic concept as the Master Cleanse except for one key factor: you're not starving yourself to see the results of a clean system.  You're getting the vitamins, proteins, and nutrients your body needs to not only survive, but more importantly, what your body needs to thrive.  It's called the Martha's Vineyard Detox Diet, and it promises 21 pounds in 21 days.  Well, we'll see, I guess.

My mother and I are going to be starting it soon, and while, yes I'm not the typical person who goes on these sorts of diet (I'm 24, five foot nothing, and only about 7-10 pounds over what I would like to be), and while I get a lot of grief from people (my mother, my boyfriend, my friends who weigh a bit more than  I do) when I say that I need to lose weight, it's something that I'm not happy with.  And since I'm not about to go under the knife for some lipo anytime soon, this seems to be the happy alternative.  I'm not looking for a quick fix.  I want to be healthy and eat what I should be eating.  Now, that being said, I do go to the gym 5-6 days a week.  I do at least 30 minutes on the treadmill, reaching about 2-4 miles each time, burning anywhere from 200-500 calories.  I do a series of ab workouts every other day.  I don't eat fast food, I love vegetables, and we only eat organic foods.  So my frustration comes from the fact that no matter what I do, I can't seem to lose these 10 pounds and it's driving me insane.  I've had issues with eating disorders before and I'm trying to get over that.  I'm hoping that if I document this diet, unsightly pictures and all, that the proof will be in the pudding and I can really see the progress I'm making.

So, with all that said, let's start preparing and see what this baby can do!

MONDAY, JULY 21, 2008

Growing Up Doesn't Have to Mean Growing Apart

It's been over two years since we've been in college, and almost a year since my last visit to said college, and suffice it to say that a lot has happened in the time between then and now.  There have been births, deaths, weddings, road trips, drunken stupors, job changes, relocations, and just about everything else.  And while some may say that I've been avoiding the 'real world,' I'd like to think that I've just been following my own path to happiness.  I've been criticized by just about everyone for not facing reality and trying to maintain some air of irresponsibility.  But, while they've been criticizing, I've been building my life.  I've found the one person I want to be with for the rest of my life, I've been making new friends that I can rely on and depend on, and I've finally found a job that makes me happy (both professionally and personally).  So when the time came to celebrate this new chapter in my life, I thought those who have encouraged me for the past six years would be the first ones to congratulate me.  I was wrong.  The very same people who chastised me for not "acting my age" were the ones who isolated themselves because they didn't approve of my new friends.  While you were off getting drunk, yet again, and delaying the inevitable first 'real' job, I was making a life for myself.  I have a real life and you don't.  For the first time in our friendship, I was seriously disappointed in you.  And for the first time in our friendship, I've reached a point of maturity you have yet to discover.  I'm trying not to hold it against you, I'm trying not to revert to "how dare you" and "i can't talk to you" and I'm trying to rise above.  But you did not make it easy.

These people may not fit your mould of what my friend should be like, but I enjoy their company.  They make me laugh, they include me in their jokes, and I can call on them in almost the same way that I used to be able to call on you.  This is my life and I like it.  Just because you don't get it, doesn't mean it isn't right for me.  And how dare you make me think otherwise.

The Bucket List

I'm sure that everyone at some point or another has made a list of things they want to do in their life.  Backpack through Europe, learn another language, go skydiving, etc.  I made my first list when I was 15, then another one at 18, right before I left for college.  The lists were usually made in journals, or in notebooks that should have been dedicated solely towards literature class notes.  In the midst of some spring cleaning, I came across these lists, sadly noting that I had not accomplished as much of them as I would have hoped.  So, as my therapist says, making yourself accountable for your actions requires a little help sometimes.  And with that in mind, I feel that if I put my goals out into the world, I'm somewhat forced to take some action, otherwise, I'll be all talk, which is something I fear I'm becoming.  That said....here we go.

1. Learn to play the guitar

2. Learn Italian

3. Learn Spanish

4. Go skydiving

5. Act in a full-length play

6. Learn to drive a standard

7. Read at least two books a month

8. Volunteer at an animal shelter

9. Learn to play the piano

10. Learn to play the violin

11. Get married in my backyard

12. Go to pastry school

13. Go to culinary school

14. Travel through Europe

15. Travel through Asia

16. Travel through Australia

17. Travel through South America

18. Travel through Canada

19. Drive cross country

20. Watch AFI's Top 100 Films

21. Start my own business

22. Sing Karaoke

22. Watch the entire series of Sex & the City

23. Live on my own

24. Run a marathon

25. Throw a New Years Eve party

The rest to be determined at a later time...

TUESDAY, JUNE 17, 2008

You'll Sit There and You'll Like It

Is it me, or have people just started to suck a lot lately?  Maybe I'm just upset because, as previously blogged, my post-collegiate life isn't everything I hoped it would be.  Or maybe I'm projecting my fear of reaching the mid-20s onto unsuspecting people who have no connection to my life whatsoever.  Or maybe I'm just bitter because they get to enjoy fine, quality seafood and I get to stand around for ten hours, covered in ketchup and clam juice, sweating like Rosie O'Donnell when she wakes up in the middle of the night and realizes she's just a big, scary lesbian with little to no fame at all.  Whatever the reason, I've noticed an influx of baby-boomers and the slightly younger yuppie generation who really just, honest to blog, suck at life.

When you go out to eat, you're basically saying to the world, "I don't feel like cooking tonight.  I want to treat myself to a nice meal and just enjoy my evening."  Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that imply you should be in a good mood?  Shouldn't you be projecting an air of happiness out into the world?  I don't expect rainbows to miraculously start shining out of your ass, but I would think, at the very least, a smile would be visible.  So why is it that every other person or couple who comes into the restaurant I work in seem to have the worst case of hemorrhoids ever.  They walk in like their anus is bleeding and I have the magic cream and some latex gloves.  Oh here, let me rub that on there for you.  How's that feel?  Better?  Oh nay nay, my little maggots, that is NOT my job.

I have the lucky task of showing these muff-chomping ingrates to their table, and then, the real fun begins.  It starts out like any normal relationship--with a pleasant greeting, a smile, and usually, a slight tilt of the head.  "Hi, how are you?"  If they respond and then ask how I am, it's usually a good sign.  Of course, working in the heart of a tourist town, getting any sort of acknowledgement of my humanity is slim, at best.  People are too wrapped up in their own pathetic, dreary lives to even realize that when you go out to eat, you're actually going to someone else's office.  Once we've established how many are in their party, and they've debated a good twenty minutes on whether or not they want to eat outside, and then another ten to thirteen minutes on sitting in the sun versus sitting in the shade, I offer them the actual table they're going to be sitting at.

Then comes the first fight in our relationship.  It's awkward and weird, and you're not really sure how far to push the boundaries.  You try to keep it civil and polite because you're really not trying to be mean, you're just trying to explain that you're doing all you can and you really do care about them and their well-being.  But do they acknowledge that?  Of course not.  Apparently, the whole world revolves around them and their crunchy hair (hi, yeah, the 80s are gone and they were ridiculous while they were here, that's why Vh1 made a nine hour special dedicated solely to mocking the stupidity of their fashion trends and hairstyles).  The table I bring them to isn't the one they picked out during their three second stroll to the hostess podium.  Explaining why I don't have that particular table available when it's empty and all set up is a tricky thing.  Basically, when I'm telling you it's not available, it means I just sat three tables in that server's section and I'm trying to give them a break.  Hey genius, there's a reason I didn't put you at that table in the first place.  Think about it.  I know it hurts and you can't really juggle walking AND thinking at the same time, god forbid we throw in a little gum chewing and a hair flip.  Sit in the stupid chair, take the damn menu, and leave me alone.

Once they've finally settled in and I've explained, slowly and using small words, that the specials are on their table and the wine list is in the back of their menus, my job should be done.  I should just head back to my podium, mark down which table they finally ended up at, and then wait for the next group of teet-suckling jerkoffs to show up.  But no.  Oh no.  After waiting all of about twenty-seven seconds, they decide it's too cold to sit outside, they'd like to move inside, but not near the windows because it will be too sunny, and not near the door because it will be too breezy.  But not around the corner away from the breeze and the door because there's no view.  Ok.  Look around, dillweed.  Although we make incredible use of the space by cramming in as many tables as we can, it's not a very large restaurant.  You tell me, given your criteria, where you think you should sit, because no matter where I put you, you're going to point out at least four other tables that you think would be better, and then we're just going to have to repeat the first fight all over again.  And then, for the nine millionth time, I'm going to have to explain to the intellectually incapable that they can't give me their drink orders because I'm not their server.  I'm the hostess.  I'm the chick who tries to tell you where to sit.  Your server is the one wearing all black and carrying a tray of waters towards your table.  Talk to them about getting a Box O' Wine on over to your table right quick.  

I roll my eyes as I walk away, apologizing to the waitstaff for giving you to them, and mutter something about you probably being from Connecticut.

TUESDAY, APRIL 1, 2008

Don't fill up on idealism, kids, leave room for dessert.

From the very beginning of our academic career, we're given necessary goals to achieve.  In the younger grades, we learn to color in the lines, then to read and write.  As we progress through middle school, our main goal is to get to high school with as little embarrassment as humanly possible.  Then, we struggle through the next four years just to graduate and make it to college.  We're told that without a college degree, the likelihood of succeeding in today's world is minimal at best.  The four years of college (give or take a few semesters) prepare us for.....what exactly?  A return to the thankless minimum wage jobs we held in summers between school?

My college years were spent pursuing a degree, I was told, would help me "change the world."  I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't my generation the one who's going to solve all the problems the baby boomers created and GenX ignored?  But how, may I ask, are we to do that if we're not getting hired?  After the joy of graduation and a completed education had subsided, the harsh reality set in.  Hundreds of resumes were sent out, each receiving the same response, "We appreciate your interest in our company, however at this time, you do not possess the necessary experience to fill [insert desired position here]."  Ok, let me ask the obvious.  How can I gain the necessary experience if no one will hire me?  

The post-collegiate idealism has all but faded into oblivion and we succumb to the nauseating realization that we must return to the retail and food service businesses we thought we triumphantly left behind.  We smile grimly and say, "Hi, how're you doing today," knowing full well the answer we receive will be nothing more than a "Fine," without even the courtesy of making eye contact.  But what's the alternative?  Sitting in an over-air conditioned office, wearing less than comfortable 'business casual' attire, referring fellow employees to the latest memo on inter-office fraternization?  Clearly, the fervent encouragement of our responsibilities as 'young adults' was misleading.  We admit defeat, hang our heads in shame, and file in line at the copier, debating whether or not onyx is the appropriate shade of black for our resume.  

"Thanks for coming.  Have a great day."

Tasty Tuesday - Spinach and Artichoke Dip

Here at the Diaries of Eugene, we love sharing.  And by we, I mean the singularly solo person who writes this blog and posts adorable pictures on tumblr (shameless plug alert).  One of the things I really love sharing is recipes.  If I have something incredibly yummy, whether at a friend's house or at a restaurant, I immediately have to have the recipe and will probably go home that night and try to recreate it.  It's a compulsion that I just can't (and quite frankly don't want to) stop.

With that in mind, I'd like to share one of my favorite, and most requested, recipes.  It's the famous Spinach and Artichoke dip recipe.  It's a combination of a couple different recipes that I found online (allrecipes.com) and one that my aunt made.  While all the recipes I tried were good, there was always something missing or just slightly off from making them GREAT.  It took me two years to finally get the right combination of ingredients and voila!  Perfection has been achieved.

Eugene's Spinach & Artichoke Dip
10 oz pkg chopped frozen spinach, cooked and cooled
13 oz can artichoke hearts, roughly chopped
4 oz can diced green chiles
1/2 pint heavy cream
8 oz sour cream
1/2 cup asiago cheese
1/4 cup romano cheese
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
1/3 cup mozzarella cheese

1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.  Lightly coat 13x9 inch baking pan with a non-stick spray.
2. Cook the spinach as normal, let it cool.  Take small handfuls and squeeze out the extra water.
3. Roughly chop the artichokes, then add to the spinach.
4. Add in the chiles, heavy cream, sour cream, asiago, romano, and parmesan cheeses, then stir until thoroughly until well-combined.
5. Spread evenly into prepared pan, then sprinkle mozzarella cheese on top.
6. Bake uncovered for 20-25 minutes.  Stir and serve immediately.

For me, it's all about presentation, which I why I'm a big fan of the bread boule.  Slice off the top, hollow out the boule, toast it and the top in the oven until just before crispy, then let it sit out so it hardens.  Not only does it make for easy clean-up, but when you bring out a boule into a roomful of hungry party people and remove the top top to reveal a delicious pile of awesomeness...I believe the "Glee" kids call it "Theatricality."  To put it simply, that's a big, giant win right there.

What's your favorite recipe?  Why?  How did you come to find it?

*I know it's not a great picture but the dip is usually gone before I can actually take a good photo of it.

Exploring the Great Art of Abbreviated Blogging

http://diariesofeugene.tumblr.com/

I Think I'm the Only One Who Finds My Quirks Endearing

I think my toes look naked without nail polish on them.  When the polish chips, its like a nipple slip in my mind.

I say, "Seriously?  We're doing this?" way too much, I know that.  You don't need to point it out.  It's either that or awkward silence.  Take your pick.

I get it, I'm little.  I'm a tiny human being.  Yes, I have been tested for dwarfism and no, I'm not a dwarf.  Thanks for bringing it up, jerkwad.

The disney version of "Cinderella" is my all-time, 100%, absolute favorite movie.  "Boondock Saints" and "Full Metal Jacket" are tied for second place.

I don't consider myself pompous or poser-ish when I say The Beatles are my favorite band ever.  I enjoy at least 98% of their music.  I can't say that for any other band, group, or artist.  It's just basic math.

I get annoyed when I see everyone posting that they have the "best" or "most wonderful" <>.  Quite frankly, everyone thinks their own people are the best.  Your complete disregard for subjectivity is kind of obnoxious.

I am not exaggerating when I say I'm afraid of everything under the sun.  You name it, I will probably tell you that it scares the ever-living bajeezums out of me.  Normally, I'd list examples, but I don't want anything to feel excluded or prioritized so I'd have to list everything and if I listed everything, well, frankly, it would just take too long.

While having the face and body of Channing Tatum may make me do a double (or triple) take as you walk by, having the humor and personality of Jack Black or Justin Long will most likely make me fall in love with you.

I have selective OCD.  I don't mind if my house is a complete and total mess, but if my closet and jewelry are not organized in a very specific way, I can not do anything else until everything is in its proper place.

Following in the footsteps of the above quirk, if the volume on my tv offers numbers to indicate how loud or soft it is, it has to be on a multiple of five.

I feel sad for pennies when people talk about them becoming obsolete.

Sometimes I like the "Glee" version of songs than the original.  Hate the show all you want, but Lea Michele and Chris Colfer can belt that shizz OUT!!

I'm not offended by the word "cunt" and can't figure out why other women are.  I mean no disrespect, but I am actually baffled by it.  If someone could explain it to me in a non-condescending manner, I'd really appreciate it.

I have no idea how to act like an adult.

I'm an anxious, paranoid, hypochondriac with an over-active imagination.

I will work out the tip at a restaurant down to the last penny so that the total comes out to an even dollar.

I still enjoy cartoons.  Not just the age-appropriate ones (ie "Family Guy," "American Dad," etc) but "Tom and Jerry," "Looney Toons," "Recess," "Dexters Lab."  Animated movies meant for kids are like crack to me.

Even numbers make me happy.  Odd numbers make me uncomfortable.  Multiples of ten calm me down.

Finding the Funny in the Unfunny

Sometimes, you just have to laugh. Life, in all its ups and downs (the latter featuring more prominently as of late), is so outrageously unfair that it borders on the ridiculous, so you just can't help but laugh. Maybe this laugh is immediately followed by a cry, but still, you're laughing, and that's a good thing.

I've found myself wallowing in the negative lately and am scrambling to push my way back into the positive. I've had some serious battles in the past to find my happiness and I won't go back without a fight. One of the biggest lessons I had to learn was to be aware of when I felt myself slipping into what my parents have affectionately called the "dark place." The past week has definitely been a challenge, but I'm proud to say I'm finding the humor in my humorless circumstances. Of course I haven't heard about that full-time job that I applied to three months ago, because naturally, the person in charge of hiring someone has gone on vacation the day before I submitted my resume. Yup, that would happen.

Rather than retreating into a darkened room with chocolate and tequila, I'm going for walks on the beach with my cousin and her four month old puppy (legit, one of the most adorable digging puppies I've seen in FOREVER). Instead of removing myself from society and ignoring my friends when they ask me to join them for a weekend fiesta, I put on my cutest sombrero and shout, "Ole!" I can joke about how I've needed a planner now more than I did when I actually had a job (it's the truth, you should see my months-at-a-glance, nutso).

Instead of dwelling on the unnerving ratio of resumes-submitted to response calls-received, I laugh hysterically with my Nana after she asks if I can take her to the "Calrus and the Warpenter" as opposed to the "Walrus and the Carpenter." I jokingly give my Popi a high five when he tells me he didn't fall today. You just have to laugh because, quite frankly, the alternative just isn't all that appealing.

I Want to Be a Unicorn When I Grow Up

Every time I think I've figured out what I want to do with my life (read: career), five minutes will pass and I'll change my mind. I feel like I'm in kindergarten and it's career day. After each person explains what their job entails, I immediately want to do what they do. I want to be a teacher, a chef, a doctor, a lawyer, a writer, an actor, a medical examiner, join the Peace Corps or some branch of the military. After careful consideration, each job seems about as likely as me actually becoming a unicorn, and I find myself back at the starting line.

One of the truly interesting things about being unemployed is the never-ending supply of advice. People have always told me to do what I'm good at, something I love. I don't know what I'm good at, I have no clue what I love, so how am I supposed to know what to pursue. And just because I enjoy something doesn't mean I want it to be my job. Whenever I watch "Office Space," I fall short of raising my palm in the air and saying, "Amen! Preach on!" when Peter talks about the question the guidance counselor asks him and how it's supposed to determine what your job path should be. He explains that while other people knew exactly what they would do if they had a million dollars (they'd fix old cars, ergo they should be mechanics) , he had no idea. He didn't have an answer, and neither do I.

My introverted side begs to be locked away in a cubicle or corner office (the dream: work from home), never having to actually interact with the public, minimal contact with other employees if I can avoid it. I just want to do my work and be left alone. The social butterfly side wants to be friends with everyone in the office, smile politely at random people who come in, actually make an impact on someone's life each day. Currently, the introvert is winning. Whenever I have a customer-service related job, I want to be a hermit. When I'm tucked in the corner, I beg for human contact. The grass really is greener and I feel like I'm never fully satisfied.

Right now, I want something that I can maintain for a few years, something that actually offers health insurance (a luxury these days), and someplace where I actually get along with the other employees (I've been lucky in most of my jobs where I enjoy going to work simply for the inter-office exchanges with my colleagues). I know the universe will provide the "perfect" job when it sees fit, and I like to think I've maintained a pretty positive attitude thus far, but sometimes it feels like everyone else has it figured out and I'm stuck back at the beginning. So, until I find a real career, whenever anybody asks what I do for a living, I'm just going to tell them I'm a professional unicorn.

I Have an Opinion, I Think

One of the promises I made to myself was to write more this year. I have journals that I keep for myself, a way to express whatever personal dilemma or quandary I find myself in. But then I also have this blog, which I'm terrible at updating, so I resolved to change that. The problem is that when I finally sit down at the end of the day and feel like I should write something, I can't think of anything to write.

One of the worst problems any writer can have is too much freedom. When you're in school and you're given a writing assignment, there's usually parameters. Write five pages on the demise of Hitler's Germany and the Nazi party. Compose 2000 words relating contemporary icons to the characters in Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales." Rarely do you have the opportunity to simply write whatever you want in whatever form you want for whatever length you want. And that's the most daunting task, like staring at the base of Everest knowing how far you have to climb till you reach the summit. And once you reach the actual summit, after that feeling of accomplishment has faded, you remember that you have to make it back down too. Similarly, once you figure out what you're going to write about, you then actually have to write it.

I could document my baking and culinary trials, as that seems to be quite the fad these days. Or I could chronicle my days as one of the ten-percenters, just trying to make it to the next billing cycle without incurring late fees. Or I could simply compile the trials and tribulations of island-dating, where everyone knows everyone and you can't make it through the grocery store without running into someone who you used to date (or someone who knows someone you used to date). But why would my scrawls be more interesting than someone who can actually offer advice and practical tips? I'm not a professional baker (yet) with years of experience, and a day in the life of the unemployed is really just not all that interesting. So, what now? What do I write about? Honestly, I just don't know. And maybe that's the problem with the decisions I'm trying to make about my future: I just don't know what I want to do or what I want to be. I'm five years old again, with no idea of what I want to be when I grow up.

Why Don't I Write Like I Used To?

I used to write every day, usually at great length. I have volumes of journals, diaries, dream maps, and quotebooks lining my bookshelves. I remember my roommate freshman year gave me a new notebook for Christmas that year, to continue what I was calling my "manifesto." (Thank you for that, Mel, filled it and still have it). I used to finish a journal every month. It's now September and I'm still writing in a book I've had since last December. So why don't I write like I used to?

Gearing up for the Open House we had last weekend, hoping to find a new family to take on the joy of living in the Little Blue House, I was in charge of the primary cleaning. I really don't have that much stuff, and I really only use about a quarter of the entire house, so cleaning wasn't that hard. But it did give me a chance to go through drawers and shelves and throw out all the junk. As I was dusting off my bookcase, I came across a couple journals I kept senior year of college and the few months after. Please excuse the hubris, but some of my entries were just downright beautiful. The content isn't groundbreaking, but the way I described how I felt, I'm sorry but I'm a darn good writer.

Here's one that still stays with me and the sentiment really remains the same:

July 19, 2007
12:04pm
I remember the first time I fell in love. His name was music. We loved and we loved and we loved with a love that was more than love, it was melody. It was harmony. It was beautiful words making their way through my soul, caressing me tender with each note, my eyes closed in ecstasy, my toes curling, my breath shortening, my fingers reaching, grabbing for anything to keep me stable, my mind soaring, I was in heaven. We moved together in hot rhythmic beat, my body and his melody, intertwining so beautifully we were lost in each other. He was he and I was I and we were we in a way that was more than we; it was perfect. With each note I fell further under his blissful enchantment, and with each note, the more I wanted to fall, continue falling, and to stay fallen.

12:12pm
It's one of those quiet mood days that inspires the need for buttery popcorn and Joni Mitchell humming in the background, acting as the soundtrack to your life. The kind of day that makes you appreciate the beauty of oversized armchairs and old worn-in quilts. The kind of day that whispers "hot chocolate" and acoustic guitar serenades. I love those days. You ignore the impulse to turn on the lights, and instead, light a few candles and rest in their glowing flicker of romantic solace. I've been so wrapped up in hating my job - the unproductivity, the annoying office guy, the absurd commute, the pointless and meaningless tasks that seem to clone themselves in an attempt to give the feeling of hell - that I'd forgotten what a joy it is to just sit and write and enjoy the simplicity of a rainy day. They remind me of my childhood when my mom and aunts used to take us bowling or to a movie. I used to love rainy days almost as much as sunny beach days.

I never really gave much thought to how much music affected my mood. It's always been a big part of my life, dictating the feelings I couldn't articulate myself; the soundtrack to my life made from mix tapes and radio requests, countless hours spent sitting in dark closets, laying on the floor, absorbing melodies, wrapping myself in the lyrics like a baby unknowingly reaching for their favorite blanket in the middle of the night. It's amazing the comfort a familiar song can bring. They say that smells have the greatest memory inducers, which is true. You forget what people's faces looked like, and how their voices sound, but you remember perfume, or the smell of their famous blue-ribbon top secret chocolate chip cookies. But for me, and maybe it's because I'm convinced I have no sense of smell, but for me, music holds the most keys to unlocking memories. Peter, Paul, and Mary will always make me think of my mother. Farside begs for Jarrod's face and smile. Ashlee Simpson for Sam. Blackeyed Peas for Jenn. String Cheese Incident, Sublime, Dr. Demento, and Frou Frou for Kate. Matisyahu for Aaron. Oasis for Jon. Dylan for Tom. Modest Mouse for Pat. Steve Miller Band for Dad. Izzy's "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" will forever bring tears to my eyes and make me say goodbye to Minga. Bing Crosby, Cole Porter, and Louis Armstrong remind me of Popi taking Nana by the hand and dancing around the kitchen on Christmas Eve. There's a million different people to a million different songs and a million different memories.