I Think I'm the Only One Who Finds My Quirks Endearing

I think my toes look naked without nail polish on them.  When the polish chips, its like a nipple slip in my mind.

I say, "Seriously?  We're doing this?" way too much, I know that.  You don't need to point it out.  It's either that or awkward silence.  Take your pick.

I get it, I'm little.  I'm a tiny human being.  Yes, I have been tested for dwarfism and no, I'm not a dwarf.  Thanks for bringing it up, jerkwad.

The disney version of "Cinderella" is my all-time, 100%, absolute favorite movie.  "Boondock Saints" and "Full Metal Jacket" are tied for second place.

I don't consider myself pompous or poser-ish when I say The Beatles are my favorite band ever.  I enjoy at least 98% of their music.  I can't say that for any other band, group, or artist.  It's just basic math.

I get annoyed when I see everyone posting that they have the "best" or "most wonderful" <>.  Quite frankly, everyone thinks their own people are the best.  Your complete disregard for subjectivity is kind of obnoxious.

I am not exaggerating when I say I'm afraid of everything under the sun.  You name it, I will probably tell you that it scares the ever-living bajeezums out of me.  Normally, I'd list examples, but I don't want anything to feel excluded or prioritized so I'd have to list everything and if I listed everything, well, frankly, it would just take too long.

While having the face and body of Channing Tatum may make me do a double (or triple) take as you walk by, having the humor and personality of Jack Black or Justin Long will most likely make me fall in love with you.

I have selective OCD.  I don't mind if my house is a complete and total mess, but if my closet and jewelry are not organized in a very specific way, I can not do anything else until everything is in its proper place.

Following in the footsteps of the above quirk, if the volume on my tv offers numbers to indicate how loud or soft it is, it has to be on a multiple of five.

I feel sad for pennies when people talk about them becoming obsolete.

Sometimes I like the "Glee" version of songs than the original.  Hate the show all you want, but Lea Michele and Chris Colfer can belt that shizz OUT!!

I'm not offended by the word "cunt" and can't figure out why other women are.  I mean no disrespect, but I am actually baffled by it.  If someone could explain it to me in a non-condescending manner, I'd really appreciate it.

I have no idea how to act like an adult.

I'm an anxious, paranoid, hypochondriac with an over-active imagination.

I will work out the tip at a restaurant down to the last penny so that the total comes out to an even dollar.

I still enjoy cartoons.  Not just the age-appropriate ones (ie "Family Guy," "American Dad," etc) but "Tom and Jerry," "Looney Toons," "Recess," "Dexters Lab."  Animated movies meant for kids are like crack to me.

Even numbers make me happy.  Odd numbers make me uncomfortable.  Multiples of ten calm me down.

To Veggie or Not to Veggie

I've been toying with the idea of going vegetarian for a while, not because of any moral inclination but simply just to live a healthier lifestyle.  But since I don't have any strong opposition to eating meat, I'm wondering if I'm actually going to be able to maintain the eating habits.

A couple years ago, I decided to give up red meat (and pork) for a year and actually completed it.  I felt like I was eating burgers, beef, and bacon every other day and it just wasn't healthy.  During that year, I really didn't crave what I was missing except for the times when I could actually smell the bacon cooking.  My mom makes this AMAZING potato pizzas (it tastes better than it sounds, I swear) and she tops some of them with bacon, so to wake up to that intoxicating aroma and not be able to partake...THAT was brutal.  I was fine not having burgers when other people were eating them around me.  But for some reason, bacon was a weak point for me.  But, I was able to resist and at the end of the year, I did feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment.  But this would be bigger than just seeing if I could do it for a year.  I'd like to make this a permanent change.

Then, of course, there's the issue of what kind of vegetarian I'd be.  Would I eat fish?  How can you justify which animals are worthy of avoiding consumption and which ones are ripe for the killing?  And if you're going so far as to just not eat any animal meat, why not just go a step further and leave out animals products altogether?  Essentially, eggs are just unborn baby chickens.  And if the cows aren't being fattened up for the butcher, they're kept stationary in their stalls while their mammary glands are sucked dry.

The options for vegetarians and vegans are ten times more abundant than they were in years past.  There's stores like Whole Foods and (in my town) The Green Grocer with selections specifically offered for those looking for alternatives to meat and animal byproduct.  The vegetarian/vegan cooking section and Barnes & Noble gets significantly larger with each passing year.  The options are there, if you're willing to consider them.

But now the questions is if I'm able to follow through with them.

Finding the Funny in the Unfunny

Sometimes, you just have to laugh. Life, in all its ups and downs (the latter featuring more prominently as of late), is so outrageously unfair that it borders on the ridiculous, so you just can't help but laugh. Maybe this laugh is immediately followed by a cry, but still, you're laughing, and that's a good thing.

I've found myself wallowing in the negative lately and am scrambling to push my way back into the positive. I've had some serious battles in the past to find my happiness and I won't go back without a fight. One of the biggest lessons I had to learn was to be aware of when I felt myself slipping into what my parents have affectionately called the "dark place." The past week has definitely been a challenge, but I'm proud to say I'm finding the humor in my humorless circumstances. Of course I haven't heard about that full-time job that I applied to three months ago, because naturally, the person in charge of hiring someone has gone on vacation the day before I submitted my resume. Yup, that would happen.

Rather than retreating into a darkened room with chocolate and tequila, I'm going for walks on the beach with my cousin and her four month old puppy (legit, one of the most adorable digging puppies I've seen in FOREVER). Instead of removing myself from society and ignoring my friends when they ask me to join them for a weekend fiesta, I put on my cutest sombrero and shout, "Ole!" I can joke about how I've needed a planner now more than I did when I actually had a job (it's the truth, you should see my months-at-a-glance, nutso).

Instead of dwelling on the unnerving ratio of resumes-submitted to response calls-received, I laugh hysterically with my Nana after she asks if I can take her to the "Calrus and the Warpenter" as opposed to the "Walrus and the Carpenter." I jokingly give my Popi a high five when he tells me he didn't fall today. You just have to laugh because, quite frankly, the alternative just isn't all that appealing.

I Want to Be a Unicorn When I Grow Up

Every time I think I've figured out what I want to do with my life (read: career), five minutes will pass and I'll change my mind. I feel like I'm in kindergarten and it's career day. After each person explains what their job entails, I immediately want to do what they do. I want to be a teacher, a chef, a doctor, a lawyer, a writer, an actor, a medical examiner, join the Peace Corps or some branch of the military. After careful consideration, each job seems about as likely as me actually becoming a unicorn, and I find myself back at the starting line.

One of the truly interesting things about being unemployed is the never-ending supply of advice. People have always told me to do what I'm good at, something I love. I don't know what I'm good at, I have no clue what I love, so how am I supposed to know what to pursue. And just because I enjoy something doesn't mean I want it to be my job. Whenever I watch "Office Space," I fall short of raising my palm in the air and saying, "Amen! Preach on!" when Peter talks about the question the guidance counselor asks him and how it's supposed to determine what your job path should be. He explains that while other people knew exactly what they would do if they had a million dollars (they'd fix old cars, ergo they should be mechanics) , he had no idea. He didn't have an answer, and neither do I.

My introverted side begs to be locked away in a cubicle or corner office (the dream: work from home), never having to actually interact with the public, minimal contact with other employees if I can avoid it. I just want to do my work and be left alone. The social butterfly side wants to be friends with everyone in the office, smile politely at random people who come in, actually make an impact on someone's life each day. Currently, the introvert is winning. Whenever I have a customer-service related job, I want to be a hermit. When I'm tucked in the corner, I beg for human contact. The grass really is greener and I feel like I'm never fully satisfied.

Right now, I want something that I can maintain for a few years, something that actually offers health insurance (a luxury these days), and someplace where I actually get along with the other employees (I've been lucky in most of my jobs where I enjoy going to work simply for the inter-office exchanges with my colleagues). I know the universe will provide the "perfect" job when it sees fit, and I like to think I've maintained a pretty positive attitude thus far, but sometimes it feels like everyone else has it figured out and I'm stuck back at the beginning. So, until I find a real career, whenever anybody asks what I do for a living, I'm just going to tell them I'm a professional unicorn.