Exploring the Great Art of Abbreviated Blogging

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I Think I'm the Only One Who Finds My Quirks Endearing

I think my toes look naked without nail polish on them.  When the polish chips, its like a nipple slip in my mind.

I say, "Seriously?  We're doing this?" way too much, I know that.  You don't need to point it out.  It's either that or awkward silence.  Take your pick.

I get it, I'm little.  I'm a tiny human being.  Yes, I have been tested for dwarfism and no, I'm not a dwarf.  Thanks for bringing it up, jerkwad.

The disney version of "Cinderella" is my all-time, 100%, absolute favorite movie.  "Boondock Saints" and "Full Metal Jacket" are tied for second place.

I don't consider myself pompous or poser-ish when I say The Beatles are my favorite band ever.  I enjoy at least 98% of their music.  I can't say that for any other band, group, or artist.  It's just basic math.

I get annoyed when I see everyone posting that they have the "best" or "most wonderful" <>.  Quite frankly, everyone thinks their own people are the best.  Your complete disregard for subjectivity is kind of obnoxious.

I am not exaggerating when I say I'm afraid of everything under the sun.  You name it, I will probably tell you that it scares the ever-living bajeezums out of me.  Normally, I'd list examples, but I don't want anything to feel excluded or prioritized so I'd have to list everything and if I listed everything, well, frankly, it would just take too long.

While having the face and body of Channing Tatum may make me do a double (or triple) take as you walk by, having the humor and personality of Jack Black or Justin Long will most likely make me fall in love with you.

I have selective OCD.  I don't mind if my house is a complete and total mess, but if my closet and jewelry are not organized in a very specific way, I can not do anything else until everything is in its proper place.

Following in the footsteps of the above quirk, if the volume on my tv offers numbers to indicate how loud or soft it is, it has to be on a multiple of five.

I feel sad for pennies when people talk about them becoming obsolete.

Sometimes I like the "Glee" version of songs than the original.  Hate the show all you want, but Lea Michele and Chris Colfer can belt that shizz OUT!!

I'm not offended by the word "cunt" and can't figure out why other women are.  I mean no disrespect, but I am actually baffled by it.  If someone could explain it to me in a non-condescending manner, I'd really appreciate it.

I have no idea how to act like an adult.

I'm an anxious, paranoid, hypochondriac with an over-active imagination.

I will work out the tip at a restaurant down to the last penny so that the total comes out to an even dollar.

I still enjoy cartoons.  Not just the age-appropriate ones (ie "Family Guy," "American Dad," etc) but "Tom and Jerry," "Looney Toons," "Recess," "Dexters Lab."  Animated movies meant for kids are like crack to me.

Even numbers make me happy.  Odd numbers make me uncomfortable.  Multiples of ten calm me down.

To Veggie or Not to Veggie

I've been toying with the idea of going vegetarian for a while, not because of any moral inclination but simply just to live a healthier lifestyle.  But since I don't have any strong opposition to eating meat, I'm wondering if I'm actually going to be able to maintain the eating habits.

A couple years ago, I decided to give up red meat (and pork) for a year and actually completed it.  I felt like I was eating burgers, beef, and bacon every other day and it just wasn't healthy.  During that year, I really didn't crave what I was missing except for the times when I could actually smell the bacon cooking.  My mom makes this AMAZING potato pizzas (it tastes better than it sounds, I swear) and she tops some of them with bacon, so to wake up to that intoxicating aroma and not be able to partake...THAT was brutal.  I was fine not having burgers when other people were eating them around me.  But for some reason, bacon was a weak point for me.  But, I was able to resist and at the end of the year, I did feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment.  But this would be bigger than just seeing if I could do it for a year.  I'd like to make this a permanent change.

Then, of course, there's the issue of what kind of vegetarian I'd be.  Would I eat fish?  How can you justify which animals are worthy of avoiding consumption and which ones are ripe for the killing?  And if you're going so far as to just not eat any animal meat, why not just go a step further and leave out animals products altogether?  Essentially, eggs are just unborn baby chickens.  And if the cows aren't being fattened up for the butcher, they're kept stationary in their stalls while their mammary glands are sucked dry.

The options for vegetarians and vegans are ten times more abundant than they were in years past.  There's stores like Whole Foods and (in my town) The Green Grocer with selections specifically offered for those looking for alternatives to meat and animal byproduct.  The vegetarian/vegan cooking section and Barnes & Noble gets significantly larger with each passing year.  The options are there, if you're willing to consider them.

But now the questions is if I'm able to follow through with them.

Finding the Funny in the Unfunny

Sometimes, you just have to laugh. Life, in all its ups and downs (the latter featuring more prominently as of late), is so outrageously unfair that it borders on the ridiculous, so you just can't help but laugh. Maybe this laugh is immediately followed by a cry, but still, you're laughing, and that's a good thing.

I've found myself wallowing in the negative lately and am scrambling to push my way back into the positive. I've had some serious battles in the past to find my happiness and I won't go back without a fight. One of the biggest lessons I had to learn was to be aware of when I felt myself slipping into what my parents have affectionately called the "dark place." The past week has definitely been a challenge, but I'm proud to say I'm finding the humor in my humorless circumstances. Of course I haven't heard about that full-time job that I applied to three months ago, because naturally, the person in charge of hiring someone has gone on vacation the day before I submitted my resume. Yup, that would happen.

Rather than retreating into a darkened room with chocolate and tequila, I'm going for walks on the beach with my cousin and her four month old puppy (legit, one of the most adorable digging puppies I've seen in FOREVER). Instead of removing myself from society and ignoring my friends when they ask me to join them for a weekend fiesta, I put on my cutest sombrero and shout, "Ole!" I can joke about how I've needed a planner now more than I did when I actually had a job (it's the truth, you should see my months-at-a-glance, nutso).

Instead of dwelling on the unnerving ratio of resumes-submitted to response calls-received, I laugh hysterically with my Nana after she asks if I can take her to the "Calrus and the Warpenter" as opposed to the "Walrus and the Carpenter." I jokingly give my Popi a high five when he tells me he didn't fall today. You just have to laugh because, quite frankly, the alternative just isn't all that appealing.

I Want to Be a Unicorn When I Grow Up

Every time I think I've figured out what I want to do with my life (read: career), five minutes will pass and I'll change my mind. I feel like I'm in kindergarten and it's career day. After each person explains what their job entails, I immediately want to do what they do. I want to be a teacher, a chef, a doctor, a lawyer, a writer, an actor, a medical examiner, join the Peace Corps or some branch of the military. After careful consideration, each job seems about as likely as me actually becoming a unicorn, and I find myself back at the starting line.

One of the truly interesting things about being unemployed is the never-ending supply of advice. People have always told me to do what I'm good at, something I love. I don't know what I'm good at, I have no clue what I love, so how am I supposed to know what to pursue. And just because I enjoy something doesn't mean I want it to be my job. Whenever I watch "Office Space," I fall short of raising my palm in the air and saying, "Amen! Preach on!" when Peter talks about the question the guidance counselor asks him and how it's supposed to determine what your job path should be. He explains that while other people knew exactly what they would do if they had a million dollars (they'd fix old cars, ergo they should be mechanics) , he had no idea. He didn't have an answer, and neither do I.

My introverted side begs to be locked away in a cubicle or corner office (the dream: work from home), never having to actually interact with the public, minimal contact with other employees if I can avoid it. I just want to do my work and be left alone. The social butterfly side wants to be friends with everyone in the office, smile politely at random people who come in, actually make an impact on someone's life each day. Currently, the introvert is winning. Whenever I have a customer-service related job, I want to be a hermit. When I'm tucked in the corner, I beg for human contact. The grass really is greener and I feel like I'm never fully satisfied.

Right now, I want something that I can maintain for a few years, something that actually offers health insurance (a luxury these days), and someplace where I actually get along with the other employees (I've been lucky in most of my jobs where I enjoy going to work simply for the inter-office exchanges with my colleagues). I know the universe will provide the "perfect" job when it sees fit, and I like to think I've maintained a pretty positive attitude thus far, but sometimes it feels like everyone else has it figured out and I'm stuck back at the beginning. So, until I find a real career, whenever anybody asks what I do for a living, I'm just going to tell them I'm a professional unicorn.

Some Beauty Hype...Unhyped

Being unemployed gives me the opportunity to watch a LOT of commercials. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is yet to be determined. But there's been a couple products that have definitely been getting a lot of attention and I wanted to see if they were worth the hype (and the cash). First, let me just say I am in no way affiliated with the companies that make these products and I purchased them on my own, they were not sent to me, I didn't have a coupon for a free sample. Now that the legalities are out of the way, let's just jump right into it:

The first product is one that I was really skeptical of. Anyone who knows me knows that, until recently, my sleeping habits were anything but ordinary, because of that, I have definitely noticed an increase in those horrible dark, puffy circles under my eyes. Thankfully, I seem to have remedied the sleep problem (10 years of exhaustion fixed in two weeks, without medication, I might add). But even though I'm sleeping more, or just plain sleeping, the puffiness and the dark circles are still there. So when the Garnier Nutritioniste Skin Renew Anti-Puff eye roller came out claiming to help eliminate those problems without any sort of surgery, "too good to be true" immediately popped into my head.
But, I gave it a try and I have to say, it actually does work. My skin is not totally perfect, but the dark circles are definitely lighter and the puffiness is minimized. It's incredibly easy to use, you just roll it across the skin under your eyes from the inner corner to the outer corner. That's it. They have different formulas of the same style (ie the roller instead of a cream) you can use. There's another Skin Renew specifically for dark circles, and an Ultra Lift one for wrinkles. But even though the one I tried is formulated for puffiness, I did notice a positive effect it had on the dark circles (and I don't have a serious problem with wrinkles...yet). The cost is a bit high, averaging around $10 to $11 but it will last you a long time, so I think it would be worth it to invest. And it's available just about everywhere, you can get it basically anywhere skin and beauty products are sold, Walmart, CVS, Rite Aid, Walgreens, Target, your local grocery store, etc.

Product: Garnier Nutritioniste Skin Renew Anti-Puff Eye Roller

Ave. Cost: $11

Eugene's Vote: Must Get It!!

I think every other commercial for the past few weeks has been touting the awesomeness of Tresemme's new line of dry shampoo. Since I'm not fortunate enough to have my mother's hair, which only needs to be washed once or twice a week, a product to help save my hair from dirt and oil and return its 'first day shine' would be WONDERFUL!! Suffice it to say, I was pretty excited to try it.

But sadly, I can't say I was terribly thrilled. It definitely hid the appearance of oil and grease, but my hair felt heavy and the amount of time I spent styling my hair equaled the amount it would take to dry and straighten it, had I just washed it in the first place. I had posted my discontent on twitter and the wonderfully entertaining Tabayag posted how much she liked it, "But I go for the grungy rockstar look." I will say that if I overslept and didn't have time to shower, this would save me for an extra day, but I would definitely put my hair up. The cost was relatively low, averaging around $3 to $6, depending on where you buy it, but again, it's available everywhere. And from the looks of things, Tresemme is pushing this product pretty hard, so you could probably find a coupon pretty easily, either in your weekly Sunday paper or in a store circular.

Product: Tresemme Dry Shampoo for Straight Hair*

Ave. Cost: $4

Eugene's Vote: Nice to have in a pinch, but not a necessity.

This next product, I will say, has been flying low on the radar, but the concept is picking up some serious steam. You talk to any hair stylist or watch any video on Youtube from an experienced guru, and I guarantee they will mention a heat-protectant spray. Since my hair has been dyed and blowdryed up the ying-yang in the past year, I'm looking for any way to get it back to its 'virgin hair' health. Now, I will be honest, I picked Suave because when I was in the grocery store, they had the lowest price, but I have used Suave products before, from shampoos to body washes, and been very satisfied.
The satisfaction continues! I LOVED LOVED LOVED Suave's Heat Protection spray. It was lightweight, didn't way down my hair, it smelled great, and it was hugely affordable. Sometimes hair products try too hard to have a distinctly yummy smell that they just become overpowering and you smell like you bathed in your grandmother's perfume. Not pretty. And I will say this, I use a LOT of hair products: leave-in conditioner, hydrating cream, styling cream, shine-boosting oil, and either a finishing wax or hairspray. So the idea of loading on another product was a little scary, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Product: Suave Heat Protection Spray

Ave. Cost: $4

Eugene's Vote: Must Have (if you use heated styling tools)

The last product is not a new find for me, but I've definitely noticed it's harder to find than last year. Burt's Bees is a pretty well-known brand these days. They're all-natural, which is a HUGE selling point, and they offer a wide variety of beauty products from lip shimmers to bath oils and body washes. My personal favorite is the Mama Bee Body Oil. It has literally changed my life.

For those not 'in the know,' I have a skin disorder called ichthyosis which causes my skin to be, among other things, beyond super dry. I have the mildest and most common form, so most of the time, it's not a hinderance, but when the winter months rolls in, my skin gets so dry that it actually hurts. When I was a baby, my ankles would get so dry it would actually crack open and bleed. When the weather gets colder and dryer, I usually have to slather on lotion five or six times a day. Not just any lotion, because scented ones that actually smell good cause my skin to have an uncomfortable reaction. But then, last winter, my mom found this lovely little product and I'm back to having normal, hydrated skin (well, sort of). Immediately after you turn off the water in the shower, rub a little bit of the oil on your legs, arms, back, anywhere that gets really dry, then pat yourself dry. Then apply lotion like normal. With this lovely, wonderful, magnificent bottle, I only have to put lotion on in the morning after my shower and at night before I go to bed. My skin doesn't feel like it's going to rip open, which, if you ask me, is a REALLY good thing.

Product: Burt's Bees Mama Bee Body Oil

Ave. Cost: $6

Eugene's Vote: ABSOLUTELY MUST HAVE IT!!!

These are just a few products that I thought I'd share my opinion on, nothing too earth-shattering, but if you're curious about a product but hesitant to try it, isn't it better if someone else can tell you if they like it or not?

Happy Living!!

*I also tried the dry shampoo for curly hair, since that's my hair's natural texture. I wasn't impressed. It's essentially a mousse that wets your hair and then you're supposed to 'rub' a towel through your hair. This only caused my hair to frizz, at which point I said screw it and just went ahead and washed my hair like a normal person.

SheSpeaks? More Like SheROARS!!

A few months ago, I joined SheSpeaks.com, a forum-based site geared towards women. I joined mostly for the possibility of free stuff, but the more that I look around, the more I'm surprised with the honesty women share on this site. It's not just about rating and reviewing products, there's a feeling of community and camaraderie, and just genuine support. Most of the time, you're just taking surveys to help the site improve, contributing recipes to existing topics, or maybe offering your experience with a certain company or product. Occasionally, you'll be offered a chance to try a new product and share you like or dislike. A sort of trans-american focus-group, if you will. I was fortunate enough to get a coupon for a free bag of Tostitos' new line of Artisan Tortilla chips. Currently there are two kinds being offered: Roasted Garlic and Black Bean or Fire Roasted Chipotle. Since I was sharing my new freebie with my mom (who doesn't particularly care for anything chipotle), I chose the garlic and black bean chips.

I just have three words: Oh. My. God!! When I first heard about the program and the chips, I was intrigued. I'm always on the lookout for new snacks to try, just to spice up the appetizers at parties, getting away from the standard and expected. I wasn't exactly sure how if I would like them, as I tend to be a little particular when it comes to the flavors of my chips, mostly because I usually want the dip to be the star. But these chips are so flavorful and delicious, they can't help but be the star. I got some basic salsa, mild of course, and it was DELICIOUS!! But I really feel like the chips need a cream-based dip, or no dip at all. They're so flavorful you really could eat them all on their own, straight out of the bag.

They sort of reminded me of the Doritos Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese snack chips, but the Artisan chips have more interesting flavors. We got our bag at Target (we just happened to be there, but I've seen them in grocery stores and convenience stores too), and the listed price was somewhere between $3.49 and $3.99. A little on the high side, but most definitely worth the purchase. And I've seen coupons in the weekly circular for the past two weeks, so there are ways to save a little cash here and there. But, hand to heart, these chips are just the kind of yummy crunchy snack you need to spice up the appetizer spread at your next fiesta. Happy Snacking!

You Got the Job...Now What?

For the past 11 months (and something weeks), I've been struggling. I left a decent job because I wanted something different; I wanted to actually use my degree and step out of the reception shadows and into the sunlit roads of editorial land. To bide my time in between scouring the state (and surrounding areas) for employment, I baked. Muffins, cakes, pies, cookies, you name it, I made it. It was my release from the stress and disheartening reality that despite my delightfully charming demeanor, nobody wanted to hire me. Nobody wanted to hire anybody. Suffice it to say, the recession was kicking my ass. But by the grace of whatever deity you believe in, I now find myself employed, in a bakery of all places. And while normal people would be uncontrollably releasing bodily fluids during fits of pure excitement, I'm downing Pepto Bismal to stave off the nausea.

I spent four years working towards a degree in English so I could work in the editorial world. After graduation (and months of menial office work), I finally landed my first REAL job writing greeting cards for an brand new company. It took me just over six months to realize I did not belong stuck in the middle of the greeting card stacks. Too much rhyme and bland rhythm for me, but I still appreciate the value of their existence in my life (most of my friends receive cards on a semi-regular basis). I moved on to the nearest job available: enter the restaurant industry. This was quickly followed by another few months of menial office and reception work. Nothing too exciting, but I did manage to make a few new friends along the way. All the while, I kept sending out resumes, hoping for the leap into editorial to appear. But in the back of my head, I kept thinking about baking and the joy of pastry arts. I'd joke about opening my own bakery, what I would name it, what I would serve, how it would be decorated. I'd toy with the idea of going to pastry school, spending a semester abroad studying chocolate from the best in the world (Vive la France!). But something would come along and derail these musings, reality would come back into the mix, and the bakery slid back into the mist.

These past 11 months (and something weeks), I've wondered if my inability to procure gainful employment in the editorial world was not a testament to the continuing failure of the economy but a sign from the universe, urging me to actually pursue that lark of a dream resting in the pastry business. Through the magic of connections (because let's face it, it's all who you know), I walked into a local bakery a hopeful young woman, and came out an employee who starts her first day on Thursday. But what if I don't like it? What if this lingering dream I have of working in the baking and pastry arts field turns out to be a nightmare? Then what? The people I met with today, the owner and my manager, were nothing short of wonderful. Tough, hearty folk who appreciate a hard day's work, but still amiable and friendly. But what if this doesn't work out? There is more on the line than just employment this time.

Until those questions are answered, I take deep breaths, and hope for the best. Keep those fingers crossed people. We're nowhere near done.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Ok, so I got the dreaming part down, even if I only sleep two hours out of the night, I still manage to dream and, surprisingly, remember that dream. And golly, are those dreams weird. But what I don't have are normal sleeping habits. I don't think I've actually managed to sleep the full night through (without any type of sleep aid, organic or otherwise) since I was in high school. I usually wake up three to four times a night and unfortunately have a hard time falling back to sleep. Once I wake up, it's not like I'm in a foggy daze, take a stumbling trip to the bathroom, and quickly fall back into dreamland. Once I'm awake, I'm WIDE awake. Usually, I'll kill the time by reading part of whatever Jodi Picoult book I'm into at that time or watching a movie until I drift back into whatever warped scenario my subconscious unconsciousness concocts that night.

Part of my problem is my inexplicable paranoia. I go to bed every night with the notion that someone will try to break into my house, rob me and then kill me. Like a little kid checking for monsters, I double and triple-check the doors and windows to make sure they're locked; I can't sleep if my closet doors are closed because I'm convinced that an insane sex-offender is hiding in there; and if I'm sharing the bed with someone, I have to sleep on the side farthest from the door so if someone does break in, I have the best chance of running away because the killer will go for the easiest kill (ie the person closest to the door). I live in one of the safest neighborhoods in the safest town in the country. The last murder we had was almost nine years ago, and before that, it had been 30 years. The likelihood of someone coming to my town, to my house, just to kill me is laughable at best. But my paranoia is still an active part of my insomnia.

I've tried all the standard sleeplessness remedies: warm milk, no tv, no electronics, no food or exercise after 7pm, special sleepytime teas, a shower/warm bath, creams, lotions, scent sprays, the list goes on. I've tried over-the-counter sleep aids, which of course, make me groggy in the morning, zapping any and all motivation for the following day. Most of the time, I just deal with it. You get used to it. You don't like it, but you get used to it. However, if there's something out there that can "cure" the insomnia that I haven't tried, you better believe I'll try it.

My friend sent me an article explaining that the problem isn't insomnia itself but how we react to insomnia that determines whether we sleep or not. One of the tactics the article said to help alleviate sleeplessness was to "reset" the internal sleep clock. In order to do this, you essentially deprive yourself of sleep intentionally. Stay up an hour later than you normally would, wake up an hour earlier than you usually do, and resist the urge to nap. Do this for two weeks, then slowly, in 15-20 minute increments, reintroduce those removed hours back into your sleep pattern. It's day 2 and I am EXHAUSTED, more so than usual. I feel so out of it, like I'm moving in slow motion and my words get jumbled. Essentially, I feel drunk (tipsy, really) without actually imbibing, I can only imagine what I'll be like on day 14.

So, dear friends, cheers and sweet dreams.

I Have an Opinion, I Think

One of the promises I made to myself was to write more this year. I have journals that I keep for myself, a way to express whatever personal dilemma or quandary I find myself in. But then I also have this blog, which I'm terrible at updating, so I resolved to change that. The problem is that when I finally sit down at the end of the day and feel like I should write something, I can't think of anything to write.

One of the worst problems any writer can have is too much freedom. When you're in school and you're given a writing assignment, there's usually parameters. Write five pages on the demise of Hitler's Germany and the Nazi party. Compose 2000 words relating contemporary icons to the characters in Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales." Rarely do you have the opportunity to simply write whatever you want in whatever form you want for whatever length you want. And that's the most daunting task, like staring at the base of Everest knowing how far you have to climb till you reach the summit. And once you reach the actual summit, after that feeling of accomplishment has faded, you remember that you have to make it back down too. Similarly, once you figure out what you're going to write about, you then actually have to write it.

I could document my baking and culinary trials, as that seems to be quite the fad these days. Or I could chronicle my days as one of the ten-percenters, just trying to make it to the next billing cycle without incurring late fees. Or I could simply compile the trials and tribulations of island-dating, where everyone knows everyone and you can't make it through the grocery store without running into someone who you used to date (or someone who knows someone you used to date). But why would my scrawls be more interesting than someone who can actually offer advice and practical tips? I'm not a professional baker (yet) with years of experience, and a day in the life of the unemployed is really just not all that interesting. So, what now? What do I write about? Honestly, I just don't know. And maybe that's the problem with the decisions I'm trying to make about my future: I just don't know what I want to do or what I want to be. I'm five years old again, with no idea of what I want to be when I grow up.